In-Flight Reading

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I don’t usually read airline magazines on planes, for a variety of reasons.  First, I have read that they carry more nasty germs and bacteria than almost anything else on planes (no one is cleaning those seat pockets).  Second, the articles in them generally are not that interesting.  That said, on a long flight where you get bored of watching things on a screen and need a distraction; you occasionally pick one of these magazines up.  Recently, on a flight from DC to London, I took the opportunity to flip through United’s Hemispheres publication (it was the first day of May and the magazine was in a sealed envelope in the business class section – for my germaphobe self, that seemed safe enough).

What struck me in the magazine was not, however, the articles.  It’s the advertisements and what they may say about the demographic that advertisers think they are reaching with air travelers.  Here is a complete list of the advertisers you will find in the May 2014 issue:

• Microsoft Cloud
• Multiple purveyors of really garish, over the top jewelry for women
• Puerto Rico
• Highly expensive men’s watch manufacturers
• Allstate Insurance (multiple ads)
• United (multiple ads)
• Verizon
• Washington DC’s National Gallery of Art
• Avis
• Na Hoku (Hawaiian jeweler – shows up in every airine magazine without fail)
• Mexico
• Colorado
• Houston Methodist Cancer Center
• Bose headphones (with a pitch from golfer Roy McIroy)
• Tito’s Handmade Vodka
• “Great American Steakhouses” – that fun list of “top ten” places you have never heard of that have been chosen by the “Premier Independent Steakhouse Owners of the United States” or some similar group you have never heard of before either.
• China
• Illy coffee – expresso machines
• Aspen
• Executive match dating services (lots of pictures of model-like, 6 foot tall blond women in short skirts)
• Levine Cancer Center
• Cabo
• Napoleon Grills – gas grills that make your Hummer look small and inconspicuous
• Center for Regenerative Medicine – focusing on your arthritis
• Avalara – tax consultants, with the great line: “44% of accountants say a sales tax audit is more stressful than a divorce.”
• Sleep apnea mask manufacturers (multiple – including one that offers a device that looks like Hannibal Lecter’s headgear)
• US/Canada Group Bus Tours
• Thrify – auto rental
• AirportParking.com
• Northern Arizona University – earn your degree online if you have wifi while you fly
• Mozu.com
• Offerings for franchise partnerships for senior care facilities that focus on “The Power of Love”

My own non-scientific analysis of this marketing suggests that advertisers think that the traveling caste includes a lot of near-AARP age men, looking for love with supermodels upon whom they can lavish jewelry and trips to resorts (perhaps to also flee US tax authorities), burdened with their ill-health and bad sleep habits but buoyed by that classy oversized watch on their arm and the thought of going home to fire up the super grill.

Me?  I think I’ll just stick to the crossword puzzle in the back of the magazine.

from Wheels Up! http://ift.tt/1lmejt4